Going back to the original newsletter format this week

Anyway, here’s what’s going on this week:

Chill chatty vibes this Sun. An old friend of mine invited me to see Nine Inch Nails a while back and I initially just said yes because I wanted to hang out with him. I believe what I said at the time was “I’m like a 6/10 on Nine Inch Nails.” I saw them on Friday and it ruled. I’m probably a 7/10 on Nine Inch Nails today. But the light show, the hang, the BBQ we got on the way, that was a ten. I know people as a joke will sometimes say 11/10 but I don’t say that because it’s statistically impossible.

I am trying to say yes to stuff more. This isn’t groundbreaking news but it’s a reminder I keep needing. Just frickin do the thing sometimes. I’m in general a guy who doesn’t want to do the thing, a full-on homebody. I do OK if something is on the calendar a week or two in advance, though even then inevitably an hour before I’m supposed to be there I start thinking of excuses to opt out. I’ve had a couple of near-friendships with that spur of the moment type of person and it doesn’t work out.

Like for example, I had a neighbor years ago who was into a lot of the stuff I was into. I used to rock climb, and one day we started making plans to go to the climbing gym. To me what that looks like is we have a standing day and time where we hit it up. I want it on the calendar and I want to see days pass on that calendar where I focus my chi into sending mode. To him it meant that on a random evening at like 9 pm when I’m all settled in with Veronica Mars (I was into Veronica Mars then), he would knock on my door with no warning and be like “want to go to the climbing gym?” Readers, I did not.

Once I’m in pjs I don’t get out of pjs that calendar day, even to do one of my favorite things in the world which at the time was rock climbing. I feel like it would still be one of my favorite things if I started doing it again. I should do that. How, though? The climbing gyms are tooooo faaaar and to get back into outdoor climbing I need a squad and nooo squaaaad. That squad, btw, needs a shared google calendar.

When I think of concerts all I think about are logistics. Traffic, parking, will the commuter train still be going when it’s over, etc. Same with travel or even trying a new restaurant. It took me two months to sign up for the library Dungeons and Dragons session. I didn’t have dice! What’s a perception check? Most people have extra dice and I still don’t know what a perception check is vs. an investigation check. What’s the difference between a survival check and a nature check if I’m examining a mushroom? Who cares? Mushrooms aren’t real.

When I’m there, whatever the thing is, I’m cool as the proverbial cucumber. I don’t even recognize the person who thought it would be more hassle than enjoyment. I can just take it easy. Why was I such a Hundred Acre Wood Rabbit about it? How do I channel these impeccable Pooh vibes I’m experiencing while rocking out while Wish is playing, but in the planning stage?

The answer, I think, is that a Pooh can only exist when there is a Rabbit. Ideally, each of us have a Pooh and a Rabbit within us (though I have to admit I can be a real Piglet sometimes). The reason travel is always less stressful than I think it will be is because my wife has considered every possible angle. She runs through scenarios of what could go wrong before being able to sleep.

This has been a trend on social media this last week or so. Men can be laid-back because they have a partner smoothing out every speed bump. My friend came to visit and I did a lot of work to make the house look nice, but Kristin did the significantly more taxing emotional labor of anticipating needs and pitfalls. By which I mean communicating to me what needs to be done and when, which is way harder and more exhausting. For a friend visit and concert these are much less of a big deal, but she does it every time. When we move, when I start a new job, and while we plan our first trip to Europe next month.

I’ve read a half a dozen books about this: Gemma Hartley’s Fed Up, Rose Hackman’s Emotional Labor, Laura Danger’s No More Mediocre, and more. And still I have to face the fact that reading all the right books isn’t enough. This isn’t even what I want to write about but as often happens, writing about something made me think about it in a way I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t started. What started as a chatty update about a fun weekend makes me have to do a hard check in. I’ve got work to do.

This would have never happened if I had AI write this thing. Makes you think (or maybe it doesn’t, if you’re already dependent on LLMs). Thanks for reading.

Here’s the Sunday report:

Albums:

Metric, Formentera

The Faint, Danse Macabre

Games played:

Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia

Dinner: Creamy Tortellini Soup with Chicken Meatballs and Kale

If you’re not on social media and still want to keep up with the stuff I do, I think you can see these without an account.

I’ve been doing weekly (sort of) video posts about common birds I see on my bike commute. Here are some of them.

Spotted Towhee: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVbHw8tDTlY/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Cinnamon Teal: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVjFhaTgKTb/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

American Kestrel: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DV9jnvODY8R/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

This image is titled “Big Mouth, No Thoughts” and it’s dope. It’s from Kendall who is on Instagram as @sparksandembers

I am taking any and all submissions. Poems, art, essays. The only request is that the fit into the general vibe of what I do online, these include: ecology, domestic violence and sexual assault advocacy, books, recipes

Also, if you make stuff that you sell online, I would love to feature your products and services.

Feedback, chats, questions? Email [email protected]